We all have toxic relatives in our environment. They are people who only think about themselves and who manipulate us, who play with our emotions.
The family, supposedly, is a safe haven. However, there are times when it is where most damage occurs. Having toxic relatives often brings us the deepest problems we can experience.
Toxic families are those who abuse you emotionally and blackmail you. They cause problems with yourself to such an extent that their hatred or violence turns into hatred towards you.
Many of us can not get away from them or feel like doing it or know what is right in these circumstances. How do we deal with or let go of a toxic member of the family?
To begin with, we must accept that we are not all equal, nor are we healthy or available to help each other. Not all family ties are based on respect, love and mutual support. Having toxic family members can mean that they are going through a difficult stage in their lives and need to be heard, supported and cared for.
Before removing any member of your family from your life, it is very important to understand if it shows the following signs:
- They make you the victim of their insecurities. They will constantly remind you that life is unfair and there is no reason to be happy because they feel it personally like that.
- They will always judge you. You will know when your criticisms help you or are just to make you feel bad.
- They abuse your energy. They will absorb all your positive energy to make sense of their miserable lives, and when you need them, they will disappear.
- You can not trust them. If you know all your weaknesses and strengths and use them against you when they argue, you will find that they are not people in whom you should confide your secrets or personal information.
- They blame you for their mistakes. There is a good chance that they are absorbing your energy and they will continually claim you for not being there for them, even when they know that you have your own life.
- Your behavior towards you changes according to the people who are present. One day they will treat you very well and pretend that you care, but other days they are insensitive to you and insult you. They will tell you good things in person, but usually, in front of someone else, they will be sarcastic or cruel.
Each case is different. However, there are some universal principles when dealing with a toxic family member:
1. Don't try to change it.
Accept that your family member will never change if he does not want to. It is better to make the decision to prioritize your welfare instead of those around you.
2. Putting physical distance can help you regain control of your life.
Although it is difficult, you have to distance yourself enough to give yourself space to live. You have to make your welfare a priority. Even if it means spending less time with someone, wanting it from a distance, releasing it completely or temporarily moving away from a situation that hurts you, you have the right to go out and create a healthy space for yourself.
3. Make your position clear.
Make it clear that you accept them for what they are, and that they are not necessarily responsible or obligated to their ideas and opinions, but that you would love to have their support. If they refuse and continue their aggression, you may have no choice but to put physical distance to regain control of your life.
4. Learn to face them.
They will try to intimidate you so that you submit to them. Do not let that happen. Defend yourself!. Do not give them margin. No one has the power to make you feel small unless you give them that power. Be aware of how they treat you, and beware of the subtle blows they throw. Face them, do whatever it takes to give yourself the opportunity to become who you really are.
5. Take care of your emotional and physical health.
Practice personal care every day. Make sure you have enough time alone to rest and recover, because if you're not careful, the toxicity can infect you. Since you can not control what they do, it is important to take care of yourself so that you can stay focused, feeling healthy and ready to live positively in the face of negativity when you should: mindfulness, meditation, prayer and regular exercise do wonders.
Let no one destroy your mental balance !!
6. Don't lose respect.
Avoid conflicts and do not act impulsively. Confront conflicts in a healthy and calm way, letting feelings cool down to act without hurting anyone. For however despicable it may have been, never let hatred grow in your heart. This only hurts you more. The best thing you can do is to be different from the person who hurt you. The best revenge is to live well, in a way that generates peace in your heart.
7. Express what you feel.
Talk to someone you trust. Instead of repressing your emotions, look for ways to get them out. Spend time with people who make you feel good and listen to you. Consulting with a specialist, if necessary, can help you soften the situation with your toxic family member.
Any toxic relationship can drain you emotionally, but having such a relationship with someone in your family can impact your mental health too much.